1. What is a Cuddle Party?
2. Isn't that a bit weird?
3. I'm curious, but shy...
4. Why do we have to wear pyjamas?
5. Do the pyjamas stay on?
6. Why would anyone want to cuddle strangers?
7. What if nobody wants to cuddle me?
8. Do I have to cuddle everyone?
9. Can I just cuddle the hot people?
10. What is a "Cuddle Lifeguard"?
11. What is a "Cuddle Lookout?"
12. Will it just be a bunch of weirdos?
13. Are Cuddle Parties therapy?
14. Is this a "singles" event?
15. If I have a partner, should I tell them before I attend?
16. Why do we have to arrive on time?
17. What's with the "Welcome Circle"?
18. What is a "Puppy Pile"?
19. Can you pay at the door?
20. Do I have to arrive in my pyjamas?
21. What about drugs and alcohol?
22. Can I hold a Cuddle Party at my house?
23. How many people will be there?
24. How long does it go for?

1. What is a Cuddle Party?

It is an event for adults to get together and explore affectionate touch and communication without it becoming sexualized. At these events we create the safe space to talk about and explore what our needs are as adults when it comes to affection, intimacy and welcomed touch.

2. This whole Cuddle Party thing sounds weird - is it?

Not really. Our need for contact, touch, and affection is proven. Affectionate touch is necessary for healthy immune systems, good mental health, and the development of our brains and nervous systems. It can reduce stress levels and help sick or injured people to heal. Touch is a means of communication with the people around us. Practicing welcomed, affectionate touch without sexualizing it can improve relationships of all kinds.

This is the real weirdness: past the age of twelve or so, we're supposed to curtail our physical contact with other adults unless we're in a sexual relationship with them. As adults we STILL NEED TO BE HELD! Held, hugged, touched, stroked, caressed, piled atop on, reclined across, nuzzled, and affectionately massaged. Cuddle Parties are a place to begin exploring and reclaiming the sense of affectionate touch and play we naturally displayed and enjoyed as children, and which we need to be happy, healthy adults.

3. I'm curious but really nervous about showing up to one of these.

You're not alone. Even people who are comfortable with touch feel awkward just sitting in a room with a bunch of pyjama-clad strangers, let alone touching any of them. You may be worried either that you won't be able to say "No" to someone you don't want to cuddle, or that you'll be rejected by everyone you do want to cuddle.

Don't let it stop you though. We deal with these issues at the beginning of the Cuddle Party. Remember: Cuddle Party is about you finding out what works for YOU touch-wise. You don't have to cuddle or touch anyone unless you want to. And no-one's allowed to touch you unless you give them a verbal "Yes" . So you'll be safe. Your Lifeguard guarantees it.

Many nervous people have found to their delight that they've had a great time and felt perfectly comfortable in the setting.

4. Why do we have to wear pyjamas?

The first reason is for comfy cuddling. A second reason is that pyjamas put you in a different mindset to 'outside' clothes. Clothes people wear out of the house or in the presence of other people can be a mask or a costume. Wearing PJs helps break down some of the artificial barriers that can be set up by clothes.

5. Do PJs really stay on the whole time?

Yep.

6. Why would anyone want to cuddle with a bunch of strangers?

It's different for everybody. Many of our FTC's (First Time Cuddlers) don't want to cuddle with strangers at all - and don't. During the Welcome Circle people often find out that many people there have shown up for similar reasons. Once we've taken the first step in getting to know one another, it's surprisingly easy to want to reach out and rub someone's shoulders, or ask for a hug.

For some, attending a Cuddle Party is a good way to meet new and interesting people and to take a look at the state of touch, affection and intimacy in today's world. For others, it's a means of exploring their touch and communication boundaries. For still others, it's a safe way to get some good, clean affection.

7. What do I do if no one wants to cuddle me?

This question comes up A LOT, so you're not alone if you share this concern. Basically, this question is all about Rejection with a capital "R", the kind of rejection that deeply scarred us sometime in early high school. Most adults assume that rejection is proof that there is something "wrong" with them.

Rejection isn't proof of anything other than someone saying no. It could mean a million different things than what you're spinning in your head right now.

When we realise that the rest of the room shares exactly the same insecurity, Cuddle Party becomes a safe space to explore and push through the worries around "What if no one wants to cuddle me?" Go ahead, ask them - Yes, even the pretty people.

8. Do I have to cuddle everybody at the party?

You don't have to cuddle anybody if you don't want to. You can attend the whole event and not touch a single person. Really. For some people just being in a room filled with strangers in pyjamas is a breakthrough. We don't believe in forced cuddling, and you are free to cuddle (or not) with anyone you want provided that you get a verbal Yes.

9. I only want to cuddle with hot people. How can I make sure that happens?

It's perfectly okay to only want to cuddle with those you find attractive. Feel free only to extend requests to the people who register on your Hot radar. Of course, check in with yourself to make sure that you're okay with receiving a No before extending invites and making requests.

10. What's a Cuddle Lifeguard?

Cuddle Lifeguards are a select group of amazing individuals who are specially trained and certified in how to facilitate Cuddle Parties. They are responsible for ensuring the integrity of the room, meaning that no sex happens, that everyone feels safe, and that the sexual energy, when it shows up, is dispersed safely. They, along with the Cuddle Lookout, facilitate the Welcome Circle and make sure everyone gets taken care of.

11. What's a Cuddle Lookout?

Cuddle Lookouts assist the Cuddle Lifeguards. Their job is to help out, by checking people in, answering questions and backing up the Lifeguard. They too are trained, but their training isn't as intense or long as the certification to become a Cuddle Lifeguard.

12. Will there be a bunch of pyjama-wearing weirdos there?

People from all walks of life, all age groups, all backgrounds and all income levels attend Cuddle Parties. You may encounter lawyers, financial analysts, yoga instructors, parents, system administrators, artists, corporate executives, students, psychoanalysts, grandparents, nurses, hippies, entrepreneurs, contractors, musicians... absolutely anyone.

13. Are Cuddle Parties therapy?

Cuddle Parties are intended for people who are well. People who need professional care should consult trained health care professionals. Cuddle Parties are not intended as substitutes for therapy. If you're someone who is currently in therapy or seeing a mental health care professional, we recommend that you consult your doctor(s) and talk to them about attending a Cuddle Party before you do so. We'd also appreciate it if you gave us a heads up on your situation too. Any such disclosures will be held in strict confidence, but our Cuddle Lifeguards reserve the right to ask you not to attend a Cuddle Party at their discretion.

14. Is this a singles event?

Nope. Cuddle Parties are open to everyone, regardless of relationship status. Singles in particular seem to flock to Cuddle Parties, because they are a safe, fun, and non-alcoholic way to meet other people, but couples regularly attend as well. If you have a partner but are attending alone, we encourage you to discuss your cuddle boundaries with them beforehand.

15. Do you allow people to come to parties if their partners don't know about it?

If you're in a relationship, we strongly recommend that you talk to your significant other(s) regarding attending Cuddle Parties and agree on your rules and boundaries beforehand. Sneaking out for an illicit spooning is very un-cuddly! Regardless of whether your partner is present at the event or not, we don't want you breaking any relationship agreements.

A good rule of thumb is this, "If you think you're getting away with something, then you need to have a talk." We recommend lots of full disclosure as soon as possible, which includes going over the Cuddle Rules, discussing why you want to attend, and creating boundaries which make one another feel safe and honour your relationship before you jump into your pyjamas and head off to the nearest Cuddle Party.

After the Cuddle Lines have been drawn, stick to your agreements for the whole party and adjust your agreements afterwards if necessary for the next party. Trust us on this Before and After point, folks. Trying to re-negotiate boundaries during an event often ends poorly.

16. What's all the emphasis on having to arrive on time? It doesn't sound very relaxing.

The reason we make such a big deal out of arriving on time is because the essential ingredient in creating Safe Space at a Cuddle Party involves having everyone at the Welcome Circle. Arriving on time might be stressful for some folks, so plan accordingly. Arrive early enough such that you've got time to change into your pyjamas, sign in, go to the bathroom if you need to, and settle in before we kick off the event.

17. Welcome Circle? Sounds New Age-y...

The Welcome Circle is how the whole "Safe Space" thing gets created. Everyone's led through a few outrageously silly and powerful exercises that begin to break down the discomfort we have ingrained in us concerning touch, and affection, and communication (or lack thereof). The Welcome Circle is also the space where people are encouraged, if they want to, to introduce themselves and share why they came to the Cuddle Party in the first place. This is often when people begin to realize that the stranger sitting across from them in their PJ's isn't so strange after all.

18. What the heck is a Puppy Pile?

Have you ever noticed how kids under 12 will pile on top of each other when watching TV, telling stories or having a sleepover? A Puppy Pile is when a bunch of people crawl atop one another and cozy up, like puppies do just before they fall asleep. One participant's comment after a Cuddle Party was simply "Puppy Pile - mmmmmmmmmmm"

19. Can you pay at the door?

Yes, but admission is not always guaranteed. It is vital that you RSVP in advance to ensure your spot.

20. Do I arrive in my pyjamas or can I change when I get there?

While we think the world might be a better place if we all drove or took public transport in our PJs, most people change when they arrive.

21. Can I get stoned at a Cuddle Party?

Use of alcohol or illegal drugs of any kind at a Cuddle Party is not cuddly. Cuddle Parties are safe spaces for adults to explore affectionate touch without sexualizing it, and without drug or alcohol use. The Lifeguard and Lookout reserve the right to ask someone to leave if they believe they are under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

22. I want to throw a Cuddle Party at home. How do I do that?

Having a Cuddle Party at your own home is a great idea for a birthday party or special celebration. Any of the facilitators will happily discuss with you requirements for such an event.

23. What's the ideal size for a Cuddle Party?

Somewhere between 10 and 20 people seems to be the ideal size for a Cuddle Party because it's just enough people to be able to connect with during the three and a half hours a Cuddle Party lasts. But there's no hard and fast rule on size. There have been powerful cuddle experiences with as few as six CuddleBugs present, and have easily managed to cuddle groups over twenty with no loss of the warm fuzzies.

24. How long does a Cuddle Party last?

Usually they last about three and a half hours, although the length may vary a bit for special events.

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